WIAW: Something old, Something new, and Someone easily amused

Happy WIAW guys!!!Thank you to the Lovely Jenn (that is her name now, Lovely Jenn 😉 ) for this party every week. Now Lets get started!photo-79Breakfasts are nothing new usually (you all know I like my oats and nut butter) -Im generally on auto pilot in the mornings. But wait! What is that flavor of nut butter???photo-72Ahhhh!!!! Look what came to my grocery store!!! 😀 The vanilla espresso was highest on my list and it is amazing (honey pretzel-you are next)photo-70Also, it is delicious in Katie’s Cookie Dough Dip (made with dates, espresso nut butter, and eaten solely with a spoon because I have no shame)photo-76But with the return of warmer days (and also spring break so longer mornings) come breakfast parfaits! whoop!! This was vanilla-almond-cinnamon overnight oats, lemony soy yogurt, berries and pears, and cascading farms ‘fruit loops’.photo-68I made these just a few days ago, and every single one is gone (whomp whomp). At least that massive craving for banana nut bread is satisfied! Keep a lookout for a carroty easter version within the week (aka as soon as our carrot supply is replenished-teehee sorry i eat all the carrots)photo-84Hey look! Its my favorite salad! (beans, veggies, squash, cranberries and mustard)photo-73And then another salad because I was pretending it was summer and caved on the Driscolls. They were unsatisfactoryphoto-74Obviously I didn’t care and just ate them with chocolate (pudding)photo-75But then it got all cold and rainy so I decided to roast some potatoes and carrots and that turned into all the veggies and that turned into stew. Still in the roasting pan…(fun to wash)photo-83photo-77I like kombucha. It makes me feel like a yogi.photo-86I also like popcorn. I often stand there mesmerized by the magic of an air popper 😉photo-71Last night I made mexican pizzas for all! Brown rice tortilla topped with refried beans, shredded veggies, and asparagus/onion/corn cooked with salsa, popped in the oven at 400 until warm and crispy. It was kinda like a gigantic nacho!Anndd in other news:photo-69I go to Trader Joes for my nuts (they were out of almond butter again! Blast! So I had to make my own)photo-81Someone posted this on Facebook….hehehephoto-78AND I GOT MY PROM DRESS!!!!!!!! AHHHHHH I FEEL LIKE A PRINCESS!!!!!!!!! 😀 😀 :DHappy Wednesday everyone!!!!Are you easily amused/distracted? I am most definitely. Just ask my friends…for instance, yesterday I was at Target with my best friend having a completely normal conversation when I caught the bedding aisle out of the corner of my eye, and veered over while saying “pink?”…uh yeah 🙂

Henna Hair and Banana Muffins

First of all, let me say thank you. Dear, dear readers, friends, supporters, Thank You.  Thank you for reading my rant, letting me get things off my chest, and not letting me get away with it. And now I am finally here for a follow up. I think the majority of my mini-lapse was out of frustration. That I was hurt, not as strong as I thought. So I skipped a snack one day, leading me to skip for a few days, and then have a melt down. But you know what? Then I wrote that post, put on my big girl pants and had a snack, and I felt 10 times better. Funny how that works, huh? And then you guys! Your comments, every one of them felt like a hug, a hand, a lift. And I had a snack the next day too. And I feel good and back on track. Thank you.

So I am on spring break. FINALLY. Ive been waiting for this moment since winter break (hehe). The first thing I did? I dyed my hair! Well, actually I went to Target, but the next day I dyed my hair! I did it with henna (I followed Manifest Vegan’s DIY post) and, while it took absolutely-freaking-ever, I couldn’t be happier! All natural, chemical free, no washing out when I wash my hair, no icky chemical smells, and it only cost $3 because they sell Henna in bulk at my Co-Op (as opposed to an $80 hair appt.)

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I did it around 11 in the morning, so I had to hang out for 6 hours with plastic wrap on my head…

I did the dishes, I cleaned the kitchen, I watched tv, and then I made some muffins.

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The following resulted from a combination of a week long craving for banana nut muffins hitting around the same time as a banana overload occurred at my house (when both parents buy bananas on separate shopping trips without telling each other). Plus this seemed like a more universally appreciated muffin than my ‘lets get crazy’ idea of Elvis muffins (PB banana muffins with chocolate chips, maple, and liquid smoke/tempeh bacon).

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Im glad I went with banana nut.

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The first muffins I can actually be proud of -not gummy, no sticking to the wrapper, and they actually tasted good 😀 Even Stepdad approved!!!

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Banana Nut Muffins

  • 2 C. Whole Spelt flour
  • 1 1/2 T almond meal*
  • 1/2 T baking soda
  • 1/2 tsp baking powder
  • 1/2 tsp sea salt
  • 1/3 C maple syrup
  • 2/3 C stevia baking blend (or could use reg sugar)
  • 2 C mashed banana (about 4 large)
  • 2 T almond butter
  • 1/2 T vanilla extract
  • 1/4 C water
  • 1 C. chopped nuts*

*I used raw almonds, because thats what I had on hand, but still wanted a soft nut texture like walnuts. So I chopped up the raw almonds, separated the almond dust from chopping (which I used as the almond meal), and then soaked the chopped nuts for about an hour, and dried them on a paper towel while I was mixing everything else.

Preheat oven to 350. Place paper cups in muffin tins (this makes 19-20 muffins)In a medium bowl mix the flour through the sea salt, set aside. In a large bowl, mix maple syrup and stevia until combined, then add almond butter and mashed banana and stir well. To that, add the vanilla and water and combine well. Slowly mix the dry ingredients into the wet, then add your chopped nuts. Pour into muffin tins (about 1/4 cup per) and bake for 20-30 minutes.

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I am so excited about these! They actually were fluffy, tasty, not gummy, not too dense, and came out of the paper cleanly (i can’t even tell you the last time that happened).

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If it is any indication, 19 came out of the oven at 4 pm on Saturday. There are 9 left at 2 pm on Sunday

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oops. sorryimnotsorry

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And ps The henna worked it worked it worked!!!!!!!

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Happy Palm Sunday!!

 

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Now go make some muffins 😉

Help.

Because my other choice of title was too long.

That deep (and likely very triggering, sorry.) post where I apologize, have too many thoughts and not enough pictures, a little TMI, confess, cry, reach out for help and make promises I hope to keep.

Im sorry that I haven’t posted any recipes since January. Im sorry my blog has changed. Im sorry I don’t reply to all of your comments, or post very often, or comment on your blog either. I feel really guilty, but I have no time when I want to write and no motivation when I have time. I hope that someday I can be a ‘real’ blog, but thats not in the cards right now. The rest of this post might get triggering, because thats where I am right now and I just need this to be a place for me to say my thoughts. Without judgement, or feeling guilty that I can’t be everything. Im sorry.

Help me. Please. Its at me again, I can feel it trying to consume me. And thats why Im not doing my homework. I just need to vent. Before I chicken out. But lets start a few months ago.

Remember this post? Well I was doing awesome (mostly) until a few weeks ago. I gained weight and stopped the gym, yada yada. I felt incredible. But I was still going on secret runs, and they were getting longer. 8 miles. Then 9 miles, 10, 11. Each new goal wasn’t enough, I had to reach the next milestone. I still gained, I still ate. But can I tell you another secret? I still wasn’t eating enough grains at breakfast.

Then I reached what I call my ‘threshold weight’. That one where I have gone past my comfort level, if only by a pound. And thats when I started telling myself I could stop gaining. I had to stop gaining. Then I had to start losing, back into my comfort level. I’m short 5’1”, so my window is only about 10 pounds between under where I need to be and my ‘threshold’.

The same time I reached that weight I hurt myself. Two weeks ago yesterday, actually. I believe a pinched sciatic nerve. (Will it get better?) I ran anyway. It got worse, I didn’t care. I could only go 3 miles before the pain was too much to bear. I ran anyway. Asprin. I said it was my way of telling the pain to suck it. Plus I started restricting.

Anyway yesterday was bad. I had the opportunity to run but I decided against it -too much pain. Too much anxiety. I ate a veggie binge of a dinner, because thats what I do. I couldn’t concentrate. I decided to make a cup of coffee, because I know its a diuretic and it would make me feel better. I was right. My mind calmed, my anxiety went away, I was comfortable. But I didn’t eat anything after 6:00. I went to bed starving. I couldn’t sleep because of the caffeine. Today was better. I didn’t have any anxiety, my pain was miraculously gone. I still restricted somewhat. But then I tried to run, and it hurt. I kept running until I couldnt and only got 2 miles before I stopped and almost cried. Now both of my hips are screaming with pain and my thigh randomly too but I still feel the need to restrict even though Ive lost almost all of that hard work of gained and Im scared and I need help.

And nobody knows that Im relapsing. Nobody ever knows because I have perfected lying and cheating and faking it, and except for my weight there is no way to tell.

You guys, Im almost 17 and Ive never had my period. I haven’t grown since the 7th grade. I don’t have anything on top to speak of. Im a little kid and Im scared. I was going to say a few weeks ago, the last week of February, also NEDA awareness week, that it was exactly a year ago I was admitted into New Dawn, my after school treatment facility.This disease has had me for all of high school. My weight has fluctuated at least 90 lbs in the last 3 years (If you combine gains and losses). Why do I even know this? There were inklings of it earlier. When I was little I used to pray to God that my thighs would stop jiggling. They never were though. Where am I now?

Im scared to press publish. Because Im afraid of what will happen. Not when you guys see it, but when people who know me do. Is this too triggering? Too blatant? Pro-Ed? Im not trying to be, Im being honest. This is like my diary today. Please.

If you didn’t read it thats okay. I tend to skip through word-only posts most of the time too, unless I know I need to read it. If its important. But everyone needs a words-only post once in a while right?

Why won’t Ed just freaking leave me alone!?!?!?!?

Help?

WIAW: Let Me Explain

Woah woah woah. Woah. Woah it’s March?!? Just…woah. Holy cow I have midterms next week! *takes deeeeeep breath*

Happy WIAW guys!!!!!

Its GREEENNNNNNNN MONTH :D!Not that I have much of a problem with that…actually I get a little anxious if I don’t eat my veggies and greens, but that is a whole ‘bother post..I know I haven’t been as present on the blog as I’d like to be, and I know I haven’t posted a recipe since, like January 1st (which quite unsettles me), but I promise I am alive and well….Thus I’ve got some ‘splainin to do!!photo-53(blueberry pear oats and homemade raw cashew butter)photo-57caramel-nut apple oats with peanut and cashew butter -I couldn’t make up my mind this morning!!! (I literally stared at both jars while I was making breakfast and finally resorted to opening two jars-Im lazy so this was an extra step ugh 😉 )photo-54A breakfast that isn’t oatmeal whaaaa??? Guys-this is why I haven’t been posting many recipes. AKA what happens when you try to make cupcakes with too many weird ingredients and they are too healthy and muffin-like but also gummy, and your healthy ‘frosting’ is more like pudding so you mix them together and bake it and call it bread pudding breakfast *pause for breath*. And also you don’t really have any measurements so the successfully accidental lemon-blueberry-pear breakfast pudding shall forever be unblogged. (but it had golden beets and pears and potatoes in it heeheehee).Plus the pear was mushy and disappointing. So I turned the grocery bag-full into delicious cinnamon pear sauce. And that I do have a recipe for!! (just no pictures…yet)photo-62garbanzo beans ‘n greens scramble topped with ketchup and nooch with a Japanese sweet potato (best) topped with cinnamon and a drizzle of local raw honey (from one of my mom’s students -super fresh!)For reasons I shall soon explain, Ive been having a lot of quickie dinners aka a lot of sweet potatoes and stir-fries. That are anything but beautiful but I took a picture anyway -your welcome 😉photo-55Japanese sweet potato topped with 10 minute peanut curry (a quick meal fav). Oh heres a recipe!!!10 minute peanut curry

  • veggies of choice (i used here frozen kale, cauliflower, and peas > ding ding ding we have greens!)
  • garbanzo beans or other protein (beans, tofu, tempeh…)
  • 1-2 T peanut flour or peanut butter
  • splash of plain almond milk
  • ketchup
  • stone ground or dijon mustard (optional)
  • curry powder (I use boatloads) and gram masala

Heat your veggies and protein up in a pan, then add the almond milk, peanut flour, and ketchup. Mix it all together and add spices, mix around till everything is coated and serve atop potatoes, rice, quinoa, etc.

Thats it!! I discovered the ketchup/curry powder combo a year or so ago and its my favorite!! The peanut makes it that much better 🙂 Enjoy!!

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And an even faster dinner for a quicker turnaround night: Pre roasted sweet potato topped with orange glazed roasted chickpeas (pre created as well, but a friend’s recipe so I have no idea what the recipe is) and raw cauliflower. Strange and delicious

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Soy yogurt mixed with cookies n cream plant fusion protein powder, bananas and random cereals

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Snack of a green pear and cinnamon puffins

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A happy happy Lacey

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Practicing my decorating skills for a fundraiser dessert cabaret (chocolate cupcakes with my grandma’s frosting recipe -I don’t try to do healthy when I bake for normal people haha)

 

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And ending last night on a dancer’s high (Kendra, you know what I mean)

Now for my explaining!! I have been a terribly busy girl the past few days, but I am happy as could be! On Saturday I had a dance rehearsal for my spring musical (Bye Bye Birdie) for 3 hours, then I had to come home and bake the cupcakes for a fundraiser cabaret to raise money for said show (We made $1300 whooooo!!!!) Then yesterday I had an audition for a dance for our spring dance show at school and came home with a total dancers high. Its funny, I now have the privilege of dancing at school every day, but there is something completely different about putting on tights and a leotard and going to dance in the evening. The only way I can describe the feeling is you know how when you are a runner, on your days off your body somehow craves moving your legs? Well, I  ‘crave’ pointing my toes, extending my arms. I came home and put on my pointe shoes just for fun (which I never got to dance in because I had to quit before I started) and it was the best feeling in the world. To make it even better, I found out today that I made the dance (!!!) and was the only non-dance team girl to make the audition (double !!!).

Speaking of which, once April starts I doubt you will see much of me until June, my schedule is about to get crazy. Junior prom, Musical tech week, two weekends of shows, Music n Motion (dance team) audition week and audition day (which I have to choreograph for), a week to breath, then another tech week for my dance show combined with AP Exam week, then another weekend of shows for dance, then a short break, Finals, and finally summer (and sleep). And did I mention Im going on a field trip for Environmental science over spring break? haha yeah…

In other news -I was running the other day and then I felt a pain in my lower back/glute on the right side. From the sounds of google, I may have pinched my sciatic nerve. Its been a week and its better but not gone…any one ever done this before? Suggestions? I haven’t been able to run since, and this makes me sad…at least it doesn’t hurt when I dance!

Have you ever made a recipe success out of another recipe failure?

What’s your ‘dancers high’?

Do you have a crazy schedule in your future?